I’m not an emotional person. It’s due mostly how I grew up, I had what most call a rough childhood. As a child, emotions always meant getting hurt, they were never positive.  From an early age, I trained myself to feel less and less to survive. It’s not easy for me to feel emotions like happiness or love. I can’t truly name a time when I’ve ever felt truly happy. I physically flinch when I hear someone say “I love you” to me. Not only that, but I prefer logic, listening to my brain, instead of my heart. It’s more simple that way, realistic. It’s safer, the heart, after all, can be a fickle thing.  On more than one occasion, I’ve been called “Ice Queen” or “Heartless.” 

However, not feeling love or happiness doesn’t mean, I’m unkind to others. I try to listen to others when they’re upset, offer advice, if they ask for it. I help people without expecting anything in return.   There’s a heart in my chest somewhere, it’s just buried under 6ft of ice. I suppose you may think it’s easy, not having those emotions, but it can be lonely. My greatest struggle is I don’t know what listening my heart even means. There are times, I wonder, if listening to your heart is really a good thing. If I could, I would ask the reader what is so great about feeling? About listening to your heart?

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