I remember almost dying in my 1996 Nissan Maxima, several times—
drunk driving, trying to find the perfect mix N feel of uppers, downers, and booze in my youth.
I had arrived
not knowing how I got there.

I remember my heart almost burst in a Toyota Camry, year unknown, from a hit of some great coke.
I just puked everywhere,
as the world shook and
rang around me—
my insides hallowed out and I cried for feeling nothing but the truth of my hedonism—
just one of my curses I suppose.

I remember almost dying in my 2002 Hyundai Accent with my old pals: speedballs and fentanyl laced dope.
handful of times I
fell out of myself.
I certainly am a mangled devil of some sort.
I love hard luck and made plenty of it.

I’ve hopped the fences of my youth and realize today that there is dignity
clenched teeth
flashing eyes
but I always
remember who I am
bones and

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