When I was a junior in high school something happened, over fifty years later, I still don’t know what. What I do remember is that the walls of the halls at school began to weave in and out as I tried to walk them and finding the right classroom where I belonged was difficult. Getting ready for school took great effort and tying my shoes, almost impossible. I don’t know how many days this went on. I don’t remember much from this time.
One day, as I stumbled off the school bus and walked to the house, the wind in the cedar and pine trees in our front yard called to me. On our remote farm, this sound was all I could hear after the bus roared away. I collapsed in the circle of these trees and fell asleep.
I don’t know how long I slept, but when I woke up, the world was stable once again. I knew where I was and I did not have to struggle to go through the motions of my life. I could, once again, actually function.
A month or so later, I could feel the sensations of disconnection returning. As soon as I could, I returned to the circle of those trees and slept. When I awoke, the world was once again stable.
Later that summer, my father was killed and I was numb through my senior year. The next fall, I left home for college and began my life.