There’s a pandemic that has kept us from going Around the World, and it’s not likely that we will be going soon.
All of the countries Around the World are covered in white shrink wrap now, except for Canada, where Bunyan is too big to cover. Paul Bunyan has always been too big to shrink wrap, which is what you might expect of a Canadian tall tale.
Ireland’s Blarney Stone refuses any covers with its caroms and its ricochets. Kicks them right off, it does. Holland’s windmill would kick off covers too, were its sails not stilled. Its smock is smocked in shrink wrap. Likewise France’s Arc de Triomphe, which is spelled Triumph on our itinerary. Typically effete American exceptionalism.
In Brazil there is a mine, the Sugar Loaf Mine, and a winter snow might cover it, but not shrink wrap; nor the Matterhorn, which is in Switzerland, nor Italy’s Vesuvius. Then again, why would you shrink wrap a mountain when, if shrunk, it is a mountain no more?
Of course, you can’t shrink wrap the pyramids of Egypt, either. It’s a construction conundrum. We still don’t even know how the pyramids got built in the first place. Aliens? But, you can shrink wrap India’s Taj Mahal, or at least it’s been done. Wonders never cease.
You wouldn’t think that you could dress a kangaroo, now would you? But, you’d be surprised what you can do with shrink wrap in Australia. Still and sad, you can’t take home a German stein or a Japanese lantern as a souvenir. Shrink wrapped.
Nor can you book a ride on a Hong Kong rickshaw or take a cruise on a Viking langskip, because, you guessed it, shrink wrapped.
So, where do we go, if we can’t go Around the World? Think of going Around the U.S.A.? Nope, shrink wrapped. The whole place, including the Hawiian surfer on his board. Imagine that, will you? He’s tall and athletic with a dark, sunburned tan, riding hang ten on his surfboard in a blue speedo. Shrink wrapped. Imagine.
It’s a good thing that the New York subway is underground. No sense shrink wrapping something underground. That leaves open an escape. And I’m thinking of escaping, except that I like it here.
I feel safer here while the rest of the world is wrapped in white shrink wrap. There’s nowhere else for me to go. Nowhere else I’d rather be.
Now, if they would just build an Around the Adirondacks mini golf course, then I’d be all set.