What keeps me up at night is parenthood. Before becoming a parent, I used to sleep through the night effortlessly, sometimes sleeping as late as noon. Shortly into my first pregnancy, however, I was being woken up by kicks and cramps and spasms. Then it was cries and feedings. Times two. Now they’re older, but they still wake up occasionally to blow their nose or go to the bathroom. And I wake up, too, even though I don’t usually need to assist in any way. I’m also constantly amazed how I can be sheerly exhausted by the end of the day but then, once I lay my body down in bed, all I can think about is the “what ifs” and worries that I’ve pushed aside all day to get things done and take care of my family. Suddenly I am lying wide awake, staring those what ifs in the face. This has only gotten worse since March 2020. I long for a good, solid night’s sleep. Will it ever come again?

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