Sometimes,
I fall into flowering
fields,
Where the weight of a
feather is equal
to mine,
And the wind hears my
heart beat,
Like the Rhythmed wings
it floats.
My soul flows into Petal
form,
And I, Letting go, am free
for grace,
Sometimes.
Sometimes,
I fall into flowering
fields,
Where the weight of a
feather is equal
to mine,
And the wind hears my
heart beat,
Like the Rhythmed wings
it floats.
My soul flows into Petal
form,
And I, Letting go, am free
for grace,
Sometimes.
Margo, your opening imagery and alliteration hooked me! I liked the rest of your poem, but honestly some words took me out of the flow. I hope you don’t mind some constructive criticism, which is only meant to help your writing and is my opinion. On line 7, I would leave out “and the.” I think starting the line with “wind hears my heart beat” makes the word “wind” more immediate and makes the personification of “wind hears” more effective. On your 13th line, I would leave out “and I” because you don’t need “and” you have a comma. I would move “I” to right before “am free.” Therefore, after “petal form” your next lines would read Letting go/I am free/for grace, Sometimes. I like how you started and ended with “sometimes” making the poem seem full circle. Your capitalization of “Rhythmed” and “Petal” also took me out of your flow of beautiful imagery. I enjoyed reading your poem, which made me smile, I and can relate to it because it’s something I would imagine doing or literally do. Nice simile, continuing alliteration of /f/, and I love the personification of “my soul flows into petal form.” Remember every word needs a purpose, especially in poetry. Less words are better. Well done. Thank you for sharing.
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